Ways to Avoid a Disasterous Evening

Warning signs:

• You are 100 pounds of a recovering vegetarian at an upscale all-you-can-eat meat establishment.
• Your friend recalls that she's only heard gunshots twice while waiting in line to get into the club.
• You get frisked upon entering the establishment. Frisked.
• You are Julia Stiles' character in Save the Last Dance.
• You are hippie classic chic clad when everyone else is in ghetto fab.
• The club is the only not-abandoned building in a 4 block radius.
  

Go directly home if any of the following events occur:
1. you end up wandering around by yourself trying to find X obscure bar.
2. you would rather be curled up on the couch with your roomies but feel socially obligated to people.
3. you get purposefully hit, knocked, shoved more than 5 times (or 20, 30... check!)
4. the dj yells out things like:

• "Make some f***n noise if you make more than $20,000"
• "Make some f***n noise if you plan to make more than $100,000"
• "Make some f***n noise if you wore clean underwear tonight"
• "Make some f***n noise if you're bigger than a size 2 jeans - if not, then go the f*** home" (umm, I think I will, thanks.)

5. After a disasterous evening, you meet up with a group who is far more intoxicated than your one-drink self.

Oh. I had a fabulous Saturday night experiencing the other side of DC. And by fabulous, I mean train wreck.